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Lethal Cocktails

by Peggy Pegworth

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1.
Excuse me sir, could I see your licence to love? Do you know how fast you were loving just then? Maybe you don't know, but I've just got to mention, I suspect you of loving without due care and attention.
2.
Good people of London, never fear It’s the 21st century and the chicks are here For years we worked in secret in our submarine bases Mostly changing our outfits and fixing our faces But now we are ready for saving the earth Working undercover as Les Chics Dangereuse.
3.
The Theakletuffin Poem In the reign of Mirklezar The theakletuffin king Times were hard for mirklims And the Cumbleduffinbing There were shortages of Slershernuff And gooeydopper soup All the mirklims had to eat Was gootimirk and schloop. In the secret garden of the Cumbleduffinbing The gooeydopper grows and the slershernuffer sing But the Cumbleduffinbing was rarely ever seen Since he'd been snibbledorping the Theakletuffin queen. “If only I could find him”, said the Theakletuffin king “I’d like to have a wordlet with the Cumbleduffinbing.” So the mirklims brewed a barrel of humpletwithleting To stop the snibbledorping of the Cumbleduffinbing And then filling up their humpleflasks A hardy band of three Mirklims triffled off Headed for Affleby-on-Sea. By the Cambernooney Sea Rested the Cumbleduffinbing When the mirklims triffled up With their humpletwithleting They tied him up with morkel weed He gave a cumble roar With humpleflasks at ready They pushed him to the floor They may be small and mirkish But in threes they’re mighty strong They gave him such a flask full That the plan went twithle wrong. So, the secret garden keeper Was overdosed, and died. The theakletuffin queen Was so morose she cried And flooded mirklim valley With theakletuffin tears So noone saw a slershernuff For fifty seven years. The moral of this story isn’t hard to ascertain Because random snibbledorping is such a deadly game, But mirklims take it too far And everyone agrees That the king should pass a law To stop them triffling in threes. © Peggy Pegworth
4.
I've been dedicated to research In search of the ultimate high Testing various cocktails And there's one you shouldn't try. Wine before beer Will make you feel queer Take your beer before the wine And you'll feel just fine And they say never mix The grapes and the grains Take it shaken not stirred And drink it like James. But some can mix drinks Like others mix beats So it ain't just wine That'll lose your sleeps. It starts with some wine Maybe just a droplet And then a fine rhyme Maybe just a couplet. But it always leads to the harder stuff And just one verse is never enough A cheeky sonnet, just one for the road But take it with wine and it's overload. So to make you feel better You share it with a friend Unaware he's gonna come To a lyrical end He swallows it down Like a vintage barrel Now he's making up words Like a proper Lewis Carroll. Soon you're knocking back literary volumes And waking up speechless in libraries and bedrooms You can't remember the words that were said That went straight to your poetical head. It's a dangerous mix and you've had your warnings But when you've had to write off too many Monday mornings And some decadent poet offers you a line Just think twice about mixing poetry, and wine.
5.
it was a fingerlickin danger chikkin hip hoppin boat rockin weekend there was no beginning i don't remember the end something about my visiting friend and how i thought we could all go out on the boat moor up in Camden have a drink and have a bloke take two boats six blokes and three danger chix shaken with vodka and you got your mix these chix with fire stix they're lairey women they're fire spinning and no one can get past they're down the canal with paraffin now and blocking the tow path NO you can't get past! a little more vodka a little more wine its ten to ten and its cowboy time (ten to ten ten ten ten ten ten to ten ten ten ten ten ) is it time for lurve? no its time for the pub an Irish man sez is it really your boat? my best friends deciding to snog which bloke she has a go on that and she has a go on this we find a teenage boy and we teach him how to kiss him and his mate should not have walked by its his birthday he's drunk and he wants to have a try so we bring him on board and invited him to chill and tinfoil space girl gives him a birthday thrill princess geka wants to have a go and i do too but my date said No. its after the pub when were chilling on the roof i said we're danger chikin chiks and here's the proper proof i should not be out of order i should not get drunk by water chillin on the roof with the birthday Casanova i casually recline and deciding to rollover i forget about the hatch and the six foot drop at the bottom of the stairs is where the dangerchikkin stopped it hurts here it hurts there i tell you what it hurts ive done it to my wrist and i think its getting worse get the boy off the boat and his funky friend it was a proper pucka party but its coming to an end the friend is so pilled up he does his back flip thang and he looks like the kid from the red hand gang that’s it and they're off and I like to watch them go do I want to go to casualty I don’t fukkin think so strap it up like you should strap it up damn good have a kip until the morning take the boat back to the mooring and I did it with a bandage I navigated it left handed it takes us hours cruising west so I had another rest Finally on Monday morning ended up in a & e without a danger chikin warning I am some emergency! You’ve done it now girl this does. Not. Look. Good. You shoulda stopped drinking when you said you would The doctor chik has spoken I am fractured I am broken I wished I hadn't asked her how long I would be in plaster But it was a fingerlickin dangerchikkin trouble makin prisoner takin este lauder out of order narrow boat weekend And if a chiklet looks for danger she will find it in the end.
6.
God's Garden 04:50
It's a beautiful day for the country club And I don't mean playing golf It's the Brew Crew, Barney McGrew Charlie, Billy and Rolf Out of the van quick as you can And make some noise with your big boys toys As headlights are sneaking From free ways and highways Along ancient roads Up green lanes and byways It's the bush telegraph Text message information Just like in the movies Location location! Checking voicemail directions The message is saved The revolution won't be televised It will be microwaved! Microwaves from a mobile phone But I can't say which mobile phone And as if by magic a system appears But I can't say which sound system Out of the darkness the hills come alive But I can't say which hills to you As surreptitious cars arrive But I can't say what, which or who I can say that it's getting busy Easy sleazy cheesy dizzy People meeting beats repeating Drugged up hugged up fleeting greeting Housey techno trancey spacey Parts of it are drum n bassey Selling tea the techno tea truck Has one enormous fluoro tea cup Litter dropping townies With designer attitudes Techno gnomes and fluoro fairies Easy geezer dudes Oh they're all here tonight But if you get here late Techno techno take no notice Of the squad car at the gate The boys in blue don't understand This site is still free common land I've even seen the pigs that fly A whirly machine up in the sky That costs a hundred pounds a minute And that is where our tax goes innit? Oh please protect us from ourselves! These nasty naughty party elves It's free because they think it's funny To do a party for no money This DIY we've got to stop it You can't just do things without profit Who organised this? Who's in charge? What do you mean You're all in charge? No hierarchy? No social divide? It's anarchy! Someone DECIDE! Turn off the system Who complained? Where do you live And what's your name? Constable You can't have sent For the man from the environment If the locals aren't disturbed So officer just have a word With all the boys And round em up Your guvner can't be woken up To sign that public order paper Nice one squirrel, see ya later. This site will not be public ordered With some five mile exclusion zone The sun is up, the dawn is over We've finished now we're going home. Ringing ears from singing tweeters Loading up the van with speakers Filling up our plastic bags With bottles cans and ends of fags It's tidy now, it's very nice It's nicer than when we arrived The Sunday ramblers are surprised The local squire’s out for a ride And he's looking very dapper In his Sunday morning clobber Disgusted says, "I beg your pardon Would you do this in someone's garden? This is God's Garden where you're at." There's only one reply to that. "This is Gods Garden isn't it? Well we're The Church of Having It." (c) Peggy Pegworth 2000

about

Poetry mixed with jazz, wine, vodka, paraffin and techno-house.

Agent Pegworth is accompanied by jazz piano as she arrests a citizen for loving without due care and attention and then reveals the secrets of The Dangerchix. The Theakletuffin Poem is a peculiar fairytale for grown-ups which investigates what happens when the Cumbleduffinbing is caught snibbledorping. Lethal Cocktail is a warning not to mix poetry and wine. Boat Rockin Weekend describes what happened when the Dangerchix arrived in Camden on a narrowboat with vodka and paraffin (for fire spinning) and God's Garden is a house-music journey to a free party in a field somewhere in the 1990's.

PARENTAL ADVISORY: Some tracks contain inappropriate language unsuitable for younger children.

credits

released September 21, 2016

Peggy Pegworth: Lyrics
Alex Gordon: Piano on Danger Files, Licence to Love and The Theakletuffin Poem.
Preetesh Hirji: Music on Boat Rockin Weekend and God's Garden.
Antti Uusimaki: Music on God's Garden.
Hamilton Lee: Music on Lethal Cocktail and the bonus track.
Everything was recorded at Eastcote Studios, London except for Lethal Cocktail which we recorded at Hami's house. Big thanks to Philip Bagenal and Hamilton Lee. xx

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about

Peggy Pegworth UK

I write about narrowboats, addictions and failed love affairs. When I was a performance poet in London I was part of a poetry gang called The Radge Poets.

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