PARENTAL ADVISORY: Inappropriate language unsuitable for younger children.
My name is Peggy and I live on a boat. This is my arm and this is how it broke.
it was a fingerlickin danger chikkin hip hoppin boat rockin weekend
there was no beginning i don't remember the end
something about my visiting friend
and how i thought we could all go out on the boat
moor up in Camden have a drink and have a bloke
take two boats six blokes and three danger chix
shaken with vodka and you got your mix
these chix with fire stix
they're lairey women they're fire spinning and no one can get past
they're down the canal with paraffin now and blocking the tow path
NO you can't get past!
a little more vodka a little more wine
its ten to ten and its cowboy time
(ten to ten ten ten ten ten ten to ten ten ten ten ten )
is it time for lurve? no its time for the pub
an Irish man sez is it really your boat?
my best friends deciding to snog which bloke
she has a go on that and she has a go on this
we find a teenage boy and we teach him how to kiss
him and his mate should not have walked by
its his birthday he's drunk and he wants to have a try
so we bring him on board and invited him to chill
and tinfoil space girl gives him a birthday thrill
princess geka wants to have a go
and i do too but my date said
its after the pub when were chilling on the roof
i said we're danger chikin chiks and here's the proper proof
i should not be out of order i should not get drunk by water
chillin on the roof with the birthday Casanova
i casually recline and deciding to rollover
i forget about the hatch and the six foot drop
at the bottom of the stairs is where the dangerchikkin stopped
it hurts here it hurts there i tell you what it hurts
ive done it to my wrist and i think its getting worse
get the boy off the boat and his funky friend
it was a proper pucka party but its coming to an end
the friend is so pilled up he does his back flip thang
and he looks like the kid from the red hand gang
that’s it and they're off and I like to watch them go
do I want to go to casualty I don’t fukkin think so
strap it up like you should strap it up damn good
have a kip until the morning
take the boat back to the mooring
and I did it with a bandage
I navigated it left handed
it takes us hours cruising west
so I had another rest
Finally on Monday morning
ended up in a & e
without a danger chikin warning
I am some emergency!
You’ve done it now girl this does. Not. Look. Good.
You shoulda stopped drinking when you said you would
The doctor chik has spoken I am fractured I am broken
I wished I hadn't asked her how long I would be in plaster
But it was a fingerlickin dangerchikkin trouble makin prisoner takin este lauder out of order narrow boat weekend
And if a chiklet looks for danger she will find it in the end.
from Lethal Cocktails,
released September 21, 2016
Featuring Doug as The Teenager and Stewart Read as himself.